I'm on a train
by IGotTooMuchLove
Summary: I'm on a train that will bring me to any place in the world, and it snows. The weather forecast mentioned an upcoming snowstorm but, I guess, the whole day was just the so-called 'calm before the storm'. Never liked winter, its cold winds and dark nights too much. Especially the nights. The season always reeked like death to me, and that's not because of the change in the nature.


**Title(s): **I'm on a train…

**Author(s): **IGotTooMuchLove / clockshavestoppedticking

**Rating: **PG-13

**Genre(s): **Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Drama,

**Fandom(s): **Kingdom Hearts

**Pairing(s): **Pre-Akuroku

**Main Character(s): **Axel, Roxas,

**Mentioned Character(s):** Naminé, Sora, Seifer, Ventus, Vanitas, Cloud, Leon, Lea, Reno

**Word count: **6,745

**Warning(s): **Semi-AU, not beta-read

**DISCLAIMER:** None of the characters belong to me. They are the rightful property of the original creators.

**A/N: **I really hope that I didn't make Roxas too OOC with his emotional expression. In KHII it almost seemed like he had a slight anger management problem. I think he was just… bitter about everything. Also, yes, I know that there's no such thing as Semi-AU but what the hell do you call when it's AU but has canon places?

**Summary:** I'm on a train that will bring me to any place in the world, and it snows. The weather forecast mentioned an upcoming snowstorm but, I guess, the whole day was just the so-called 'calm before the storm'. Never liked winter, its cold winds and dark nights too much. Especially the nights. The season always reeked like death to me, and that's not because of the change in the nature.

**I'm on a train...**

I'm on a train that will bring me to any place in the world. Where did I choose to go? Fuck if I know. To be honest, I don't even care. No flying fucks are being given today. Well, not anymore… I didn't even take a look at my ticket. The person in the ticket booth said the name of the location but I wasn't really paying attention. I'm going to '_somewhere_', I guess.

"What you don't know, you won't forget."

That's what _she_, Naminé, used to tell me from time to time. I would like to believe that she was right about this however, I think, most events and situations in life aren't supposed to go as one wants. For the past week it has been more of 'I know something and I won't ever forget it' situation for me. I can still hear her voice in my thoughts. The memories are so vivid, I nearly believe that I could make her appear here, right now, right in front of me. Ha! That's too naïve even for me.

Today, when I decided that I can't take any more shit from everyone, I packed a handbag with whatever was closest to my hands. I honestly don't know what I took with myself because my mind was in a haze, and I only realized my actions when I was standing in front of the ticket booth. Since I had gone this far, I bought the last minute train ticket, which leaves at 5 p.m., and decided to go… in hopes that a few hours ride to '_somewhere_' would stop my mind, at least for a little while, from going in circles and thinking about the girl that I used to call one of my best friends. I still do, I always will but… Now Naminé is far away and… I miss her. I miss her terribly.

I'm on a train that will bring me to any place in the world, and it snows. The weather forecast mentioned an upcoming snowstorm but, I guess, the whole morning and afternoon was just the so-called 'calm before the storm'. Never liked winter, its cold winds and dark nights too much. Especially the nights, they mess up the mind and the mornings, and when it's 7 a.m. you still have to tell yourself 'It's a fricking morning. Get up.' The season always reeked like death to me, and that's not because of the changes in the environment. Nature doesn't really die, it just sleeps to be awakened by spring. Can't say that always applies for most species in the animal kingdom, for example, us, humans.

Most of the time I have nothing against the will of Mother Nature but... Yeah, it's annoying when it rains. Yeah, it's annoying when there's hale. It's possible to get a concussion from those freaking iceballs. Hell yeah, it's annoying when the sun burns over 35ºC. I still don't go outside as much as I want to. I already miss the beach but I have trust issues with sun creams from a certain day on. However, right now, I hate the choice of weather because it reminds me so much of myself and the chaos that's labeled with 'Roxas' mind'. The snowstorm will remind me of so many things. It will waltz with the memories and events that happened in Twilight Town for the past decade…

How did the town even get such a name? I don't think it's just because of the sunsets. There's always something more meaningful behind everything. You always have to search for bigger things in smaller ones. Naminé would have been able to answer that question. She knew lots of facts about the region. Come to think of it, History was her second passion after Art. I even have her little sketchbook, which she gave me about a week ago, here with me, in one of the inner pockets of my coat. 'The witch' was written on the back side of it. I never asked why or how Naminé thought that the nickname was a good idea however, even her dad called her by that. He called her a witch, as if he was proud of it. Naminé said to always carry the sketchbook with me. I found that very strange because she never even let anyone take a peek in it, unless it was a school project or for a competition. That was right before the accident. I haven't opened it yet, and, to be honest, I don't want to.

She didn't deserve it. No one deserves what Naminé experienced. The Dusks were getting more and more out of control for the past two years. The Shinra police corporations are still investigating but I call it bullshit. If they really wanted to do something, they would have done it quicker. I don't even know why the Dusks targeted her. There was absolutely no valid reason. None. However, the image, when I first visited her in the hospital… it doesn't cease to exist in my mind, and I know that it won't for a long time. The look in her eyes was identical to the one of the girl's in Frank Fournier's famous 1985 photograph. You can't just forget it.

Yet, standing in the middle of one of the many train's passenger cars isn't going to get me anywhere. It will get me absolutely nowhere. If I just stand here, my mind won't be in search for peace, the guilt won't go away. No progress will be made. Also, I'm just blocking the way for other passengers. A guy with silver, yes, I really mean silver, unless they are grey, hair even gave me a dirty look. If looks could kill, or injure, I think I would already have a stab wound in my chest… with the rest of the imaginary stab wounds from Seifer. Then again, returning from the torrent of my depressive thoughts, the furthest part of the car, the left corner, seems quite inviting. Maybe that's because there are no people and I just want to be left alone. At least for a little while. So that nobody would pester me with their life advices. No Seifer to blame me for everything that could or couldn't have happened.

I take a seat near the window, put my bag on the empty seat next to me, and take a look outside. One of the bigger clocks in the station is about to announce that it's 5 p.m. in… Three… two… one.

When the train starts to move after the last strike of the bell, I close my eyes. Just for a moment. That's enough time for me to try to relax because it almost seems like everything around me has frozen. Time, the airflow into my lungs, my thoughts, my heartbeat. However, that would be too good to be true for some people. I let out a sigh, everything starts to move once again at the same pace, if not quicker, and I surprise myself with how the small puff of air came out. I believe 'tired' isn't really the correctly chosen word but somehow it fits. I'm just… sick and tired. Yes, that's more like it. 'Sick and tired'. Of everything. Gossips, the investigation, school, blame, guilt, the list goes on. Especially, of all the drama at the hospital.

I'm on a train that will bring me to any place in the world, and, right now, as I look at the passing trees and bushes, I'm trying my best to forget where I really am. Who cares? Nobody's going to notice I'm gone anyway. I even left my cell phone at home. Then again, what if everyone does? Ventus is going to strangle me for this but whatever. Cloud will probably add the finishing touches with a six hour lecture about responsibility, and that actually worries me a lot more. Worries me more than what mom and dad will say. I'm still surprised how Cloud decided to join the army and not study law enforcement or pedagogy. Then again, no, I'm not surprised at all. He's probably going for college or university after his duty assignment. Fuck it all, I'll just call home from a payphone in… 'somewhere'. I don't want to be grounded till graduation or marriage or… whatever.

Since I have traveled outside of the town only once with the Twilight railway line, I think I would reach the nearest town in about 2 hours. I can't remember what it was called again, only that the title of it was ending with the word 'garden', but I can't be too sure about it either. Since the train left Twilight Town just approximately 5 minutes ago, I should be really killing time.

I lazily take out my mp3 from my grey coat, put on my earphones, skip a few songs until I find what I was looking for, blast it on full volume, and continue my staring into nothingness. For the past week, I have been trying to forget and forgive what the people around me, family and friends, have been telling me.

"There are plenty fish in the sea."

Fuck them. Fuck them all. Naminé was my ocean. She was like a mighty natural force trapped in a human body. Like Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbean. She might have looked like a calm person but her art showed a different side of her. No, actually, the girl was a star. She was unreachable from the very beginning. She shone. Like an elf maiden from Lord of the Rings. Then again, aren't we all made of stardust? Naminé was the one that showed everyone the right way in life. Even mine. They were small allusions but I could see and understand them. I bet that if Sora knew this, he would have said something like: "See? You were a couple. Why were you denying it the first place?"

Truth to be told, we weren't. Naminé and I never even considered it until Sora started to blabber nonsense. He didn't want to hear anything than 'Yeah, it's true' or 'We're together'. It was pointless talking to him but we kept on denying it. She was my best girl friend, sister figure, a soul mate but not in a romantic sense. I honestly don't think that I'll ever find someone as amazing and understanding as her in this life. I believe that friendships such as ours only happen once in a lifetime. Gosh, do I wish somebody would just come up to me, tell me that I'm wrong, and… give a fucking heart attack.

"Let me guess. Somebody stole your sweet roll," said a low but playful voice when the mp3 stopped for a second to play the next song. What great timing! To add more irony Asking Alexandria's _Someone, Somewhere_ started to play.

Before I could understand what was happening, my legs were pulled in front of me, and I felt myself quickly sliding down into my chair. Even one of my earphones managed to fall out. Well, that was one hell of a pull because my chin was touching my chest, and even though I was considered rather short for my age and for a guy, I really wasn't the lightest person. I managed to see from my position that a pair of feet managed to pine themselves around my ankles. What the hell did just happen? How didn't I feel anything? I lifted my gaze a centimeter up and meet a pair of emerald green eyes, playful, as the tone of the voice, and full of mischief. Fucking hell! When and where did he come from? How strong is this stick person? Is that eye color even real?

What's with these questions in my head? Suddenly, the term 'déja-vu' pops inside my head, and I don't even know why, or if the person in front of me was the real reason behind it.

"No." I tried to pull myself into a normal sitting position by the armrests, and I almost succeeded, but the stranger still held my ankles tightly, and didn't seem to think of letting them go soon. I took a quick look at our tangled legs, then back at the stranger's eyes with an expression that clearly said 'Are you fucking kidding me?' I took out the second earphone because… what's the use of it? This person decided to talk to me. I'll give him something to talk about. "I absorbed a train's soul. Now I'm Trainborn," added I sarcastically.

My answer only made him more amused, if not a bit surprised. I wonder why his amusement made me amused. I don't even know this person. Though the expression on his face didn't change much, well, except for that little smirk that was growing into a rather smug grin, I could see a little sparkle in his eyes. Then again, he seems kind of familiar. Déja-vu familiar. Have I met or seen him from somewhere before? Wait… are those tattoos under his eyes, and red eyeliner? Oh, come on… Is he for real? Am I hallucinating this? Did I eat or drank something that causes hallucinations? Nah, the feeling in my legs is real so, he's too. Well, the hair color isn't real, that's for sure. He really should have though about others before dyeing it bright red because, damn, my eyes hurt looking at them for too long.

"It's natural," said the redhead without a quiver in his voice. I swear, for a moment I thought I could _hear_ his grin saying 'I know what you are thinking'.

"What?"

"My hair color." If that grin could grow any bigger then it already did. He probably could have been, in another time, the human inspiration for the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. Also, just how much hair products must he used to get those spikes? Ugh, again with these questions and observations.

"I know what you were thinking because I really doubt that anyone, besides you, has ever stared at it longer than a minute without blinking. Not to mention, while holding their breath." He winked playfully at that. I think my heart stopped of a millisecond, and I felt it. What the fuck? Firstly, what's with the reaction? Secondly, what the hell is he implying?

He's fucking with you, Roxas. Chill the hell down, man. I couldn't have stared at it that long. I don't stare at people, and I wasn't even holding my breath. Just because I breathe slowly and unnoticeably doesn't mean that I wasn't consuming oxygen for a few seconds than normally.

"Also," continued the redhead, "I'm actually surprised that you know about that Skyrim mod. Didn't take you for a geek before sitting in front of you, Blondie."

Since now I was really pissed off by the 'blondie' comment, which sounded like from those really cheap and old pornos that Leon once showed to us when I, Sora, Ventus and Vanitas were a few years younger, only now did I take a good look at him.

I won't deny and say that he was rather handsome. I bet he's popular with the ladies. It's kind of funny since, normally, guys wouldn't comment like that because for most of them, it hurts their heterosexuality however, I don't really care about how huge or small other guys' egos are, and I don't see interesting looking people too often. If girls, most of them, can observe each other without being labeled as lesbians, or 'dykes' in a crueler term, then why must guys always scream 'No Homo' after checking out other guys? I would say that those tattoos were made just for to sake of making other people to look at the guy's eyes. Wouldn't blame him for doing that, really. You don't see that kind of green every day. Actually, you almost don't see people with green eyes because this phenotype doesn't show up too often. Also, the tattoos kind of give a 'bad boy' attitude to him. I bet that in reality he's a dork, and, of course, a huge geek. If not a nerd too.

Giving a wild guess, I would say that Tattooface was about 2-5 years older than me. There's a huge chance that he's a college or university student. Also, probably likes to Cosplay because that's the only time you can see guys with nicely plucked eyebrows, and he has those. He was really tall, maybe 1,85 m, and thin, but if he managed to move me from my seat he had to be rather strong. He was wearing a red thick winter coat, black skinny jeans and a pair of converse. For winter the jeans seemed a little too spring-like. Ha! I will laugh myself into the next year if he freezes his balls off in the middle of the coldest time in winter.

"Says the guy who got himself tattoos under his eyes. That's not my name, Tattooface," I said with my best poker face on, but the annoyance was slightly noticeable in my voice. I really wanted to make the tone of my voice seem skeptical but the notes I finished some of the words made it obvious. Good thing I didn't listen to mom when she said that I should join the drama club. I would suck at acting. "Also, that makes you a geek too." It was a lame comeback but the grin on the redhead's face disappeared and his lips formed into a thin line. What? Did I hit a nerve? How did I even hit a nerve? Was the geek thing too much for him?

"My body, my rules, no regrets. Also, right back at you," put Tattooface proudly his gloved hands up into the air. Yep, he really was a dork, a very expressive dork. "Come on, tell me something actually new, Mr. I-stare-too-much-at-people. I understand you, though. No woman or man, I don't mind, can resist my amazing looks," winked the redhead once again at me, and dramatically imitated a person fainting. Ah, there it was again. That grin. Why do I have this feeling like he is actually hitting on me? Or, at least, is trying to be subtle about it. Like, he's trying to hide everything by teasing. Well, anyway, I don't really care because the world isn't just made out of two colors.

"Also, nice bed hair," added Tattooface sitting straightly for once.

"It's not bed hair!"

I didn't mean to yell, I think we even got a few glares send into our direction from the other passengers but... That freaking flamehead. That was a hit bellow the waistline. It took me 4 years to master that hairstyle from Ven. He would always make it in a matter of few minutes, while for me, it would take about an hour. I and Ven made an agreement to keep it like that just to pester Sora. Even though we're twins and there are still some differences in our appearance, for example, Ventus is an inch taller than me, Sora really couldn't see the difference. He still doesn't. For real, what a great cousin we have.

"Oh really?" laughed the redhead heartily and crossed his arms on his chest. His grin turned to a smile that seemed almost apologetic. Almost. "Because I can totally imagine you sleeping on your face for something like that," he pointed towards my hair in a circling motion, "to form on your head. Though, it concerns me greatly how you breathe while sleeping."

"Why are we even having this conversation? I don't even know you."

Alright, maybe I overreacted a little bit too much but I couldn't take back what I said.

He probably realized, too late, that the hair was in the 'don't you dare make fun of' category of discussing topics. Or maybe my face told everything. Because when I looked at the window, which should have mean that this discussion was over, I saw the blur reflection of my face, and it was rather red from annoyance. Damn, what time was it? The sky outside got at least 5 palette tones darker, and the lights in the passenger cars were turned on. Just how long was I in Lalaland before he appeared?

"Chill, man," Tattooface put his gloved hands in the air defensively, "I just wanted to make sure that your soul's still intact. You didn't even answer to me when I asked you if it's OK that I sit down with you. Actually, when I approached, you seemed like a dead person. Glad to know that you're still breathing."

That's probably the first time during our short conversation that I saw him look serious. It didn't suit him. Made him look another 5 years older. However, the seriousness in his features was short-lived.

"You were blasting Asking Alexandria so loud that I could hear it from the other side of the car. I'm surprised how you didn't turn deaf and how the other passengers didn't complain about it. Before you ask, yes, I know Asking Alexandria. I think my appearance says a lot about my music taste."

I wasn't sure what to make out of this. Was he being serious here with me or just kidding? Was he trying to hide the seriousness or his worry with jokes? Why the concern? I was just another person in the crowd. I'm nobody. He did annoy me but not enough to flip him off. No, I was annoyed in a way that friends make fun of you. He was teasing in 'Are you okay?' kind of manner. It was _playful_. Something I and Naminé had. Or at least, something similar to what _this_ was. I would always tease Naminé about her art when she would participate in the annual Twilight Town art competition and win 2nd place. Most of the time she would get 1st place but you can't always win. She always forgave me for it. She was too sweet.

"By the way," finally said the redhead after a pause, and extended now an ungloved palm towards me, "the name's Axel. Got it memorized?" He pointed at this right temple. Déja-vu once again. This is probably that one day in a year, or few, when you get the most of the déja-vu feelings. Lucky me.

I let out a tired sigh. Why was it always like that?

"Roxas," I shook his hand. Compared to his, mine seemed almost tinny. As if there wasn't any proof that I was really almost eighteen. Great, my complex for being of small constitution was returning. Naminé, send fucking help, somehow. However, there was another small thing that made me uncomfortable.

"Can you now please let go off my legs?" said I as a matter of fact. I almost forgot about it, but when my legs started to fall asleep it was beginning to be quite impossible not to notice.

I found it quite amusing when Axel's features turned into confusion. 'What are you talking about?' kind of confusion. Now this look made him younger than me. Containing a snicker was probably my Oscar worthy shit right now. He probably forgot all about the tangled mess on the floor. I pointed down at the obvious.

"Oh," he said lamely. "Sorry about that," as he let go, I felt blooding rushing to the places that were deprived from it.

"No, you're not" I teased him as I put my earphones back on. Damn, the battery was now only half-full.

I'm on a train that will bring me to any place in the world, and the person in front of me decides that it's the right time to pester me with psychological questions.

"Who're you worrying about?" asked Axel out of nowhere, once again, during the moment when the mp3 was preparing to play another song. Is he good at timing or something? Am I still playing it too loud so he knows when to ask me something?

I looked at him confused and raised a brow. I took out my earphones, again, because it was obvious that he can't take the 'I'm-listening-to-music-go-away' as a sign that I don't really want to talk but… What does he mean? Am I that obvious? I turned my mp3 off this time for good and put it inside the pocket with the sketchbook.

"What?"

"Who's the person that you're worrying?" he repeated in a neutral kind of tone. The way he was sitting forward, and the tone actually sounded almost like of a doctor's. I wonder what he's studying.

"How did you-" I never got to finish the question because he did it instead.

"How did I know? Actually, I gave it a wild guess."

I gave him a skeptical look. No way could've he just guessed that. Also, he used the word 'worrying'. I might as well look like a person who just recently got dumped.

What's the possibility that he's actually a stalker? Aren't usually stalkers people that you know? He probably felt like I don't believe him, so he added, "I'm no Sherlock Holmes, and my deduction skills are shit but I can give it a try and explain what I mean."

I still gave him a skeptical look but nodded in approval. The next moment I felt really uncomfortable because it almost seemed like he was trying to look inside my heart. Like an x-ray for the soul. Oh gosh, that sounded even cheesy to me. His gaze was deep but analyzing. I think it took him about thirty seconds before he spoke again.

"I don't think you have noticed it, but you've been playing with one certain bracelet on your, hand that you took out off the coat, for a while now," pointed he at my hands. Indeed, I was playing, right now, with one of my old bracelets. Strange, I didn't even notice when I took it out because the action of playing with it had become automatic for the past week.

"I could see that it's handmade, and only assume that somebody made it for you. Also, it's pretty worn out, which means it's important to you. The whole playing with your bracelet thing means that you're either nervous or worried about the person that gave it to you."

"Should I be afraid of you?" I stuttered. Thinking about Naminé was one thing but talking was another.

"What?" asked he with a little smile. It was evident on his face that he wasn't expecting a question like that. Well, it was kind of a comical question but I wasn't into that.

"You got it right, I'm worrying about somebody. Even though there's no point in that anymore." I played with the bracelet for another two second. When I brushed my thumb against the knots that spelled 'Roxas', I asked, "What exactly are you studying, Axel? It's obvious that you're a university or college student." I could hear that the stuttering in my voice becoming worse. Oh gosh, is this how a pre-panic attack feels like? As if you are in a coffin and you're running out of air? I could feel my hands start to shake but I tried to keep them still. I'm not prepared for this shit.

"Psychology," said he calmly, his features with concerned. He really should stop questioning me because I feel like I'm going to break down any second.

"Thought so," I said shortly, taking a deep breath. I need to keep calm or everything will go downhill. "Sorry, but I'm not going to be your 'clinical practice', Axel."

"Obviously, what you don't want to tell me is slowly killing you from the inside because the bags under your eyes are too dark from just a simple insomnia. How many nights has it been? Five, at least?" asked Axel, as he sat down on the edge of his seat. I remember Ventus had said that I need an appointment with a psychologist after the accident but I didn't want to hear anything about it. I'm fine, I don't need it.

"Also, you don't have to hide your hands." He took my hands by the wrists into an open palm position, and only then I saw how bad they were shaking, "I already saw what you tried to hide."

Why wasn't I protesting? Why can't I just tell him to fuck off because it's none of his business? Why do I actually want to be listened? Why must it be him?

"Why do you care? I'm just another person in the crowd." I didn't dare to look up at him because I didn't know what the outcome would be. I just felt faint. Would I get a full-on panic attack? Would I get hysterical? Would I just break down? In any case, I don't want any of those scenarios to happen.

"Another person in the crowd who's suffering. That's the problem. Suffering in silence isn't going to get anyone anywhere, only to destruction. Also, how many people do you see go through town in a trance state to the train station?" There was truth in his words but… wait, what?

"So you are a stalker…" I could feel my heart beating harder from rage. What a joke. I looked him right in the eye, and for a moment it seemed like he wanted to back down. That's right bitch, fear me.

"Stalker?" He seemed honestly confused. "No, Ventus asked me to keep an eye to make sure you don't do something stupid."

I blinked at him several times, rage slowly leaving my system. I looked at him as I heard it wrong. Is he talking about the same person that I'm thinking about? I let out a breath that I was holding. Now this I was really holding.

"Ven? You know my brother?"

"Actually, Lea, my twin, knows him." He grimaced a little as if he had just accidentally betrayed someone.

Ventus. I think it's going to be the way around. It's going to be me who's going to strangle him when I get home. I hope he has a telepathic feeling that it's not going to end well for him.

"I talked with him today. He's worried about you. He didn't tell me what's wrong and you don't have to tell me the whole story just…"

"Why?" That's all I could manage to ask. I felt my heartbeat in my temple. Not good, my blood pressure was probably skyrocketing. Soon I'll have a migraine from this.

"Why what?

I could see it on his face. I could hear it in his tone. Axel really wanted to make my situation better. I don't even know for what time this déja-vu feeling happened again but… I was starting to think that this meeting, this conversation wasn't accidental. I don't think this was just Ven's idea. Perhaps, this was even destiny.

"Why help me?" I wheezed every word out. I didn't trust my voice anymore. I barely could breathe because of the tightness in my chest and the stinging in my eyes.

"Breathe, Roxas. Any friend of Lea is a friend of mine, and I will do anything to help…" I could feel his thumbs exactly on my pulse. He's probably going do 'lie detector' test me. I really hate psychologists. "What happened?"

"The Dusks, that's what happened" I said quietly.

He let go of my arms immediately. The expression on Axel face changed from concerned to absolute horror. He knew. He knew what I was talking about. There was a news report on the day when Naminé was attacked.

"It's about that girl…" he didn't finish his sentence but I know what he meant.

I could only nod at that.

"She's on life-support. Brain dead. Her parents are still deciding what to do. To let her die or live as a vegetable," I bit my upper lip. I could feel tears roll down my face but I didn't care. Everything started to downhill. Might as well take it with dignity. Yet, I couldn't control the cracking in my voice, "I visited her on the same day when they found her and the last thing that she managed to tell me before falling 'asleep' was…'Stay well'." I took another few deep breaths but it did little of good to me, "Who the hell does that? Who says good-bye like this?"

"Why do you-

"Why do I what, Axel? React like this? Shit, man, think about it." I think most of the people in the passenger's car heard our conversation but I couldn't care less. The Dusk and what they do was always reported by the media. There even could be a member from the gang in the train but I was prepared for anything. "I let her go home alone that day. I shouldn't have listened to her. I should have seen that Naminé came to her home safely."

"Roxas, listen to me. What happened, happened. You can't change the past," he tried to calm me down but he should have known better that it wasn't going to happen.

"Oh, I wish I could. I would have gladly changed places with her. I still do. All I have now is a sketchbook from her and memories to hold on."

"Then let it go," he said without a quiver in voice, "let her go."

"Are you touched in the head?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Maybe a little." He said it like it was no big deal. He looked up at the ceiling, as if the answer was on them. "That's why I'm telling you to let go. These kinds of thoughts are making you miserable, and I can bet my beating heart that you don't want that. You want peace."

I wanted to argue about that but he was right. I really wanted peace. I was sick and tired of the constant negativity inside my thoughts and from the people around me, especially Naminé's brother, Seifer. I know that he won't ever forgive me, not even when I'm 6 feet under the ground.

"What? Are you going to tell me something like 'forgive yourself and everything will be forgiven' nonsense? You honestly think that nonsense is going to work?" I won't deny, I was bitter. I wanted to be painfully sarcastic. I wanted to hurt Axel with my words, with my tone, because I was hurting myself. It felt like I was talking with Ven once again. I knew he didn't deserve it, and that was the main reason why I didn't want to talk about her, and about myself. I can and would hurt people for it.

"Actually, yes." Axel said as if it was nothing. "Roxas, it wasn't your fault. Shit happens in life. Believe me, I know that." Axel unbuttoned his red coat. For a second I started to wonder what he actually was doing but then he pulled out his right arm out of the coat and turned up his black and white stripped shirt's sleeve to his shoulder. There were several burn marks but the one that looked like a chakram stood out the most. If I was teased for staring before, now I was really staring.

"I once got caught by the Dusks. They left me these mark. I was sixteen. I didn't think I was going to make it out alive. I ran as fast I could when I got out of their grip. I think I ran just on pure adrenaline in my veins. I have never seen Lea that sad in my life, and I don't want to. He didn't let go off me for 9 straight hours when I was first taken into the hospital. My older brother, Reno, also didn't go to work for a few days." He rolled down his sleeve and got his arm back into his coat. "This actually made me want to study psychology. Not to join the police corps, but psychology. I have met other survivors like me, and they can barely deal with it. Please, don't blame yourself, Roxas. It wasn't your fault."

I really didn't know what to think. My mind was just… blank. White sheet blank. I could almost say that I was shocked. If Axel was only sixteen when he was attack, then it means the gang was kept quiet from the society. At least their cruelty was kept silent. Also, he was a survivor. That might also explain why his gaze was so deep.

"I can try," I finally said. For once I was calm. For once I could look him in the eye without feeling angry, annoyed or anything negative towards him. I could only look at him thankfully, "I can only try." I took the sketchbook and took a look at the first page. There was a note. This was my way of coping.

My answer was enough to make him grin mischievously once again. I think, this is the very first time I'm glad to see it.

I'm on a train that will bring to any place in the world, and I finally know the title of my destination. "Radiant Garden," as I stepped out of the train I read the title on the ticket. I remember this town. It wasn't called Radiant Garden for nothing. The architecture was bright, the building were mostly made out of white marble, and high, as if they were reaching for the sky. The town was in its sense, radiant. As for the 'garden', it was a park-garden mix. Over the years, the people made it the most beautiful place in the whole town.

There had been a summer festival about two years ago. Mom and dad let us, I and Ventus, take the night ride alone since they were too busy with work, and Cloud was on duty. I can still remember the smell of the candyfloss that got stuck to our hair and faces back then, and the smell, it was still lingering in the air. Also, I think that's were I really saw him, Axel, for the first time. During that summer festival.

I see Axel exit from the other side of the passenger car and, for a moment, I scare myself by thinking that I started to see doubles because tattooface met, and hugged another version of himself. Same red spiky hair, emerald eyes, skinny and tall structure. That's probably Lea.

However, when I took a better look, I saw his twin didn't have tattoos. Maybe, that's the actual reason why Axel decided to get those tattoos. They were for other people to distinguish who was who. Just when I was about to look from those two away, Lea looked me right in the eyes and smiled. Actually smiled, not grinned, as if he saw a friend he hadn't met in years. It was similar to Axel's but it was softer, and there was less mischief in his eyes. They had a similar shine but it showed that he was a completely different person. I really wasn't seeing doubles. Soon after, Axel turned around and gave me a grin but it was somewhat different. 'See you again, partner' came to my mind. Déja-vu, like I have actually heard this phrase before. I could feel my lips turn into a little smile and I shook my head.

What's wrong with today? No, more like… Why is today better than the rest? This is probably the first day for the past week where I felt at ease. 'Ease'. I nearly forgot that feeling.

I waved at the redhead and started go through the crowd towards the exit of the station. I didn't need to look at them to know that they waved back. I think I found another person, another path leading me to peace.

This is a sign, right Naminé? You gave me that sketchbook for a reason. You left me a note dated for today. You knew that this would happen, my conversation with Axel, your attack, and you went with the flow. You let it happen. I just don't understand why… You could have spared me the heartache by telling me that soon something is going to happen to someone. Come to think of it, like you've always said. Now I understand why you took the nickname 'the witch'. You saw something more than other people. I guess, you were on the train even before me.

A/N: I want to make one thing clear… I don't have enough knowledge about psychology to write about it so, I'm really sorry if was factually wrong. Anyway, thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated. Constructive critique - even more.


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